Attraction

Some of you might have noticed that I'm calling it "attraction" instead of "sexuality". I do this because I agree with the concept of a split attraction model, which means that it is split into many different categories, the primary relevant ones for this conversation being romantic attraction and sexual attraction.

For some people, these line up, so the distinction between the two is not all that important. However, disconnects often occur, and these tend to be more addressed in spaces frequented by Aro- and Ace-spec individuals. (Aromantic and Asexual spectrum, for those who don't get those terms)

A-spec individuals more commonly notice these disconnects because it's just more obvious - if you don't experience sexual attraction but you find yourself wanting to be with someone romantically, you're more likely to look into it.

That's enough about the theory behind the split-attraction model, let's make this about myself. I am an Ambiamorous Demiromantic Omnisexual.

Demiromantic

Demiromantic is an Aromantic Spectrum identity that refers to the need for a deep emotional connection with someone before romantic attraction is felt.

Demiromantic people are often blown off as "quirky straight people" because it's hard to explain exactly what this means to someone without an internal perspective. For me, being Demiromantic means that I don't even slightly understand the concept of "love at first sight" because it's just not something I can really comprehend. Dating apps as an idea confuse me. I don't get how someone can just go out there with no real clue as to who someone is and work that out over the course of a few dates.

Other than being Demiromantic, I am also Omniromantic. I'll explain Omnisexuality later, so think of this as just that but romantic instead of sexual.

Omnisexual

Omnisexuality falls under the Bisexual umbrella, meaning that it refers to sexual attraction to multiple genders. (non-believers in the umbrella can scrap with me all day) Like Pansexuality, Omnisexuality describes attraction to ALL genders. The difference between Pan and Omni is that Omni has a preference while Pan does not.

In my case, this preference manifests in the fact that I have a slight aversion to cis men, due to bad experiences. (sexuality can change due to trauma and that is valid!!!)

Ambiamory

Monogamy refers to a relationship with one partner. Polyamory refers to a relationship with multiple partners. Ambiamory refers to a lack of preference between the two. I am equally happy with a monogamous relationship as I am with a polygamous relationship. My girlfriend is also Ambi. We have spoken at length about what this could mean and essentially came to the conclusion that so long as everyone is happy and informed it doesn't matter.

The Disconnect

The Disconnect between my attractions, as you may well have noticed, is this:
I am on the Aromantic Spectrum, but I am NOT on the Asexual Spectrum.
This confuses a lot of people, but let me sum it up nicely for you. I can think: "Oh yeah, I'd sleep with them" without thinking "And then date them" In a lot of ways, this is actually a really easy thing to explain, since it is something that is (usually) experienced regardless of your perspective. It's the same logic behind one-night-stands (but tbf I still find those kinda trashy) and Friends with Benefits.

If you've read this far and come to the conclusion in your head that I'm a "whore" or a "slut" in a derogatory way, re-evaluate your thinking or get out. I occasionally describe myself as such for fun and to empower myself, but doing that without my permission is definitely not okay.

Gender

As trumpeted far and wide across my socials and this website, I am Genderfluid! For me, this means that the gender I associate with changes on a fairly regular schedule, often multiple times in a week. I prefer Alex for more masculine times and Eris for non-binary or feminine genders.

Pronouns!

My preferred pronouns and terms do change on a daily basis, but ones marked with a star can usually be used if you don't know. Don't be afraid to ask though!

• he/him
• she/her
• they/them
• it/its

I haven't tried any neopronouns but I guess they're fine with me? Feel free to use whatever most of the time, if it's wrong I'll let you know.